When Grief Isn’t About Death: Losses That Shape Us

Grief isn't only about death—it’s the emotional response to any meaningful loss or abrupt change that alters the life we once knew. Grief touches so many corners of our lives, often going unrecognised because it doesn't fit our usual expectations.

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Here are several forms of grief we often overlook:

• Endings of relationships or estrangement: Family separation or the dissolving of a friendship can trigger deep mourning for what's been lost emotionally .

• Dreams deferred or identity shifts: Losing a hoped-for future (like a career, dream path, or sense of self) often brings significant grief .

• Health declines or disability: When illness limits abilities, it can feel like losing parts of yourself .

• Job loss or financial security: Professional identity and livelihood slipping away can cause grief as powerful as bereavement .

• Ambiguous or anticipatory loss: Such as when someone goes missing or is gradually distancing emotionally—these unresolved losses leave grief without closure.

Children, just like adults, grieve these losses—but often with added vulnerability. They may not have words for what they’re feeling, and the loss isn’t always validated. For example:

• A friend moving away or changing schools might feel devastating, even though there's no death.

• Parents separating or relocating can upend a child's sense of home and safety.

• A family pet lost to rehoming or illness can bring genuine grief

Children often show grief differently—through behavior shifts, emotional outbursts, acting out, difficulty sleeping or eating, or increased clinginess ﹘ all signs that something inside is unsettled.

How to support a child through non-death grief compassionately:

1. Validate and name the loss: Let them know it's ok to feel however they feel —e.g., "You're sad because your pet isn't here anymore," not dismissing it as "just a pet."

2. Encourage emotional expression: Play, drawing, talking, or storytelling can help children articulate their experience.

3. Share your own experiences: “I remember feeling sad when my friend moved away too” helps them feel seen.

4. Create safe routines and rituals: Even something small—a farewell card, a memory box—can provide solidity.

5. Offer consistent presence: Simply being there, listening without judgment, helps validate their grief.

6. Seek extra support when needed: Sometimes child-focused grief therapy can help.

Grief doesn’t follow neat stages. As researcher Lauren Breen says, grieving is a process of integrating loss, not “moving on” or “closure” . Whether the loss involves death or not, grief reshapes our inner world—but with compassionate support, children (and adults) can learn to live forward with resilience and hope.

If your child is struggling with a loss and needs extra support or you'd like some guidance about how to best support them, contact us on cvcounselling.office@gmail.com