When Play Feels Hard (and Why That’s Okay)

clarencevalleycoun
Nov 6
2 min read

Many parents and carers quietly admit they feel uncomfortable playing with their children.

It might look effortless for others, but for you, it can feel awkward, uncertain, or even exhausting.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

In Episode 119 of Pop Culture Parenting – “How to Play Reflection,” Nick and Billy unpack this very topic with warmth and honesty. They explore why play can be challenging, how our own experiences shape the way we engage with our kids, and how play naturally evolves from early childhood through to the teenage years.

What stands out most is their reminder that play isn’t about doing it right — it’s about being present.

Why Play Can Feel Uncomfortable

For many adults, play doesn’t come naturally.

Perhaps you didn’t grow up in a playful environment, or play was dismissed as unimportant. Maybe you were encouraged to be serious, responsible, or “well-behaved.”

Now, as a parent or carer, being asked to get messy, pretend, or be silly can bring up discomfort. It can even touch old wounds — moments when spontaneity wasn’t safe or valued.

Understanding this helps us meet ourselves with compassion, not criticism.

The Real Purpose of Play

Play is the language of connection. It helps children feel seen, safe, and understood.

In trauma-informed and neuro-affirming practice, we recognise that play isn’t about entertainment — it’s about regulation, attachment, and growth.

Through play, children process experiences, experiment with emotions, and restore balance to their nervous systems. When a caring adult joins them in that space — even briefly — the message is clear: You matter. I see you. I’m here with you.

Starting Where You Are

If play feels hard, begin small.

Sit near your child and simply notice what they’re doing.

Comment on what you see — “you’re stacking those so carefully” or “I love how you mixed those colours.”

Let them lead the way.

This kind of reflective play (as Nick and Billy describe) invites connection without pressure. It’s a gentle way to bridge the gap between adult and child worlds — one moment at a time.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to be the “fun parent.”

You don’t need to know all the games or have endless energy.

Your presence, not your performance, is what helps your child feel safe.

If you’d like to reflect more on this idea, I highly recommend listening to:

🎧 Pop Culture Parenting – Episode 119: How to Play Reflection on Spotify.

Then ask yourself:

💭 What does play look like for me?

💭 What moments of connection already exist that I might not have recognised as play?

Play is connection in motion — and every small moment counts.